A date night in letters, for two who already know each other.

How it works for a couple

1. One of you asks the other. Set up a desk, enter their email address and say that you know each other. They get an invitation and answer yes, or not this time.
2. A coin decides who writes the first letter. You each choose when your post arrives: as it comes, twice a day, or once.
3. You use your first names from the first letter. Nothing is hidden and nothing is taken out of what you write. Pen names and slowly uncovered photographs are for people who haven’t met.
4. The letters move you along a map you share. New things open as you go: warmer questions, the lists you each made, and at level 5 a quiz about each other.

Why write, when you could just talk?

Day to day, most talk between two people who live together is about practical things. A letter gives you a quiet half hour to say something properly, and it gives the other person time to answer when they have something to say. Nobody can see when a letter has been read, so there is no pressure to reply at once.

The questions help too. Whoever asks one also answers it, and both answers open at the same time. We can’t tell you yet what couples make of it: Textrodate is new, and you would be among the first to try.

Six questions to start with

From the drawer. You can also write your own, which is usually better.

1. What does an ordinary good day look like for you?
2. What about you hasn’t changed at all in the last ten years? Are you glad it hasn’t?
3. Imagine a letter from yourself, ten years from now. What do you hope it says?
4. When did you last feel really understood by someone? What did they do that made you feel that way?
5. What do you need to hear at the moment, and who would you want it from?
6. What’s one thing you know about loving someone that you’d want to pass on? Did you learn it the hard way?

These are six of thirty-six questions to ask on a date.